THE OAKLAND RAIDERS OF CYCLING?

"Tyler Hamilton signs with Rock Racing"

"If you look at the team across the board, with bringing on the riders from last year, where a lot of people wouldn't have given them a shot, or had kind of written them off, it's similar, but we're kind of taking it to another level. We've elevated it, but we're still the underdog, we're still the outcasts. We're still the misfits, if you will." -Mike Ball, Rock Racing

"Throughout the years, Al Davis has looked around the league and brought in misfits and outcasts from other teams. What he saw in these misfits is the fact that they still had the desire and ability to play great football. " -from CBS Sports Community

Hubris

"hu-bris" [noun] excessive pride or self-confidence; arrogance

"In many myths, mortals who display arrogance and hubris end up learning, in quite brutal ways, the folly of this overexertion of ego. The Greek concept of hubris refers to the overweening pride of humans who hold themselves up as equals to the gods. Hubris is one of the worst traits one can exhibit in the world of ancient Greece and invariably brings the worst kind of destruction." -from the Mythology Study Guide by Edith Hamilton

Why all this discussion on hubris you ask? Well my kind reader, click here: Hubris

NEED ANOTHER ASTERISK?

Anyone who wants to put an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record keep this in mind, Bonds may have been juiced up when hitting all those baseballs out of the park but now what everyone was thinking appears to have some weight behind it, so were the pitchers he was hitting against. Roger Clemens, Mr. Ageless Seven Time Cy Young Award winner was named in the Mitchell Report as having partaken in steroids and HGH as well. (Wetzel Column, Yahoo Sports)

I wonder if we can just call it all even now.

Evel Knievel, R.I.P.

I couldn't believe when I read the news in the paper, Evel Knievel was dead. The greatest daredevil the world has ever known died, not in a fiery ball of flame but of a rather mundane illness typically earmarked for more mortal types.

I grew up in the 70's when Evel was a brand in of himself. On that topic check this post out:
The Last Gladiator Passes

I can still remember going to an elementary school friend's to play and anxiously awaiting my turn to send his Evel Knievel stunt cycle tearing off the launching ramp and up and over whatever we had assembled on the floor. Or the countless hours spent riding my Schwinn Stingray Fastback over our makeshift ramp set up in the driveway imagining that I was Evel.

Evel Knievel was one of a kind. RIP Evel.

CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY:

A big thanks to Old as Dirt who sent me one of the best things ever last week in preparation for the big Steelers-Patriots game (which turned out not so big, more on that later). I anxiously tore open the UPS delivered package to find this:

That's right, my very own Steelers hard hat for game day. Nice.

OAD requested a picture with me wearing it so he had "proof that I got you to wear a helmet".

Well, game day came and once again I had reason to hate the Seachickens, or more importantly, that I lived in an NFL city that was not Pittsburgh. Why you ask? Because the NFL has some stupid licensing agreement that dictates that if a team is playing at home then no other games can be televised on the local affiliate. So that meant that even though we pay a bajillion dollars for our cable, I was stuck with the stupid Chicken Hawks versus the Cardinals. Ugh. The worst was when I was watching the NFL pre-game on CBS and at the end when they went to their scheduled televised game they made a point of taunting me, "...and later, most of you will be watching the marquee game of the day between the Steelers and Patriots". Aaaarrghh!!!

Being resourceful though I resorted to old school meets new school by finding the game on an online streaming CBS radio station and hooked it up through my stereo:

After the first quarter I went very old school and took my lady's Walkman and listened to AM 950 in between trees blocking the signal on my ride. The last time I listened to a game on AM radio whilst on a ride I didn't like the outcome of that either. It was November 25, 1995. I know the date exactly because it was when #2 and unbeaten Ohio State with standout players like eventual Heisman Trophy winner Eddie George, Mike Vrable, Shawn Springs, Terry Glenn and Orlando Pace played the 8 and 3 Wolverines in Ann Arbor. It was the day that Wolverine running back Tim Biakabutuka ran all over the Buckeyes, finishing the game with 313 yards and a Michigan upset over the Buckeyes.

The lesson in all of this: no more listening to games that I care about the outcome on a ride. Superstitious? You bet.

THE UPDATE:

I have once again been lame and not updated this thing in some time. I guess being busy will do that to you. Not that I have had a lack of topics to blog on, just a lack of time. I will try to hit the highlights to catch up.

OSU 14, That team from up north 3

For the 6th time in the last 7 years, The Ohio State Buckeyes handed the Wolverines a defeat. The maize and blue were unable to send out Loyd Carr with a victory over the sweater vest.

STATE CROSS CHAMPIONSHIPS:

We had a great turn out at the Fairgrounds Cross Classic/ Washington State Championships back on Nov. 18. We had close to 200, not quite what the Series has been getting every weekend, but considering that we had 28 total last year, I would say it was a success. BRI went 1-2 in the men's main event. And then there was G. Brown. Let's just say, at least he beat one guy.

LA BOUND:

The very next day after the cross race, I flew to Los Angeles. Business trip. Don't laugh, it's true. Seigler sponsored the SBW Elite Women's team in 2007 with our Komen for the Cure Bikes and they were having an open house. I met up with them and some other clubs down there to see about 2008. Oh yeah, I took my bike too. Sunshine, shorts and short sleeve jersey, sunscreen, Ipod, and 2 great rides along PCH and up some climbs in the Santa Monicas. I did Mulholland on Tuesday and Latigo on Wednesday. Half of Wednesday's ride was on the bike path along the beach. I got to see stuff like this:

That's right, it's a beach volleyball game....with girls in bikinis. This was the day before Thanksgiving. I had a lot to be thankful for.

THE IDIOT TAX:

Yeah, I had a lot to be thankful for. Until the next day that is, when I went downstairs from where I was staying to get into my rental car, which had my bike box with bike inside of it, to drive to the airport. Only to discover....the rental car was no where to be seen. Nowhere, zip, zilch, nada, gone. You know that sinking feeling you hear about? I got it. I didn't like it. Especially not at 8 am in the morning, before I had any coffee. I called the Redondo Beach Police and told them my car was missing. They had no record of a car getting towed from that street. That meant the car was stolen. Fantastic. I did not pop for the extra rental car insurance either. This was going to suck. A lot. There was a guy out front drinking coffee. I talked really loud on the phone to my lady hoping he would eavesdrop and maybe be able to tell me something. He did, said his daughter told him a car got towed last night. Right then, the Redondo Police called me back. Turns out my car did get towed. Apparently when I parked the car the night before I had inadvertently put part of the car in front of a driveway. So they towed it. Says something about your day when the good news is that your car got towed. Well, a cab ride and $275 later I got my rental car out of the tow lot. I got to pay the idiot tax, because I was an idiot. That left me little time to get to the airport in time for my flight. I had to speed, very fast. My day would be complete if I got a speeding ticket. I didn't. And I made my flight....because it was 1 hour late. Happy Thanksgiving.

THE DELUGE

What the hell was up with the weather this week? It rained over 10 inches in a 24 hour period over here. I think I saw animals assembling in pairs. Why couldn't it be snow, at least then there would be some fun to be had after it was all finished. One of my routes out of town is no more because there is a giant SUV swallowing sink hole where the road used to be. My basement got extra wet. No standing water though, just a few more damp seepage spots. We were lucky by the sounds of it. The next day the winds came. I was preparing for another power outage like we had the month before where I had to resort to this to get my morning java fix (I like my coffee):

BUCKEYES!!!

(and more importantly: PITT! and SOONERS!)

Yep, the improbable (or impossible) happened and the Buckeyes are playing for the National Championship against LSU. After their loss to Illinois (at home), my thoughts were that they did not deserve to play for a national championship. No one, including myself, really thought the Buckeyes would be towards the top of the rankings when the season started and they were ranked 11th after losing a number of last year's team to the NFL in 2007. Well, the regular season is over, and they are ranked number 1 and will be playing for the National Championship against LSU. Now, I don't want to hear about how they only got in because of their weak schedule or any of that other BS. According to the guidelines set out by the BCS, the Buckeyes are currently ranked number 1. I am happy they are playing LSU too because I am sick and tired about hearing about friggin' LSU and how great they are and how they are undefeated in regulation. The last time I looked, if you were tied in regulation, you went into overtime, whoever had the most points at the end of the overtimes got 1 marked in the "W" column, the other team got 1 marked in the "L" column. I believe LSU has 2 marked in the "L" column. Buckeyes, they have 1 there. Bottom line: Buckeyes are playing for the National Championship for the second year in a row and for the 3rd time since the BCS started.

Go Buckeyes!!!

THAT'S RIGHT, THE MOST MASSIVE THING IN THE UNIVERSE: HOLMES BABY!

SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY.

Come to the Kitsap County Fairgrounds for some fun in the mud. That's right, it's the 2nd annual Fairgrounds Cross Classic, a.k.a. The Washington State Cyclocross Championships. The course is fantastic, you have my personal guarantee. Be there!

APPARENTLY I THOUGHT I WAS TURNING 21

This past Sunday was my 40th birthday and my lady decided to throw me a little birthday cocktail party on Saturday to mark the occasion. Many cocktails and fun were had by all. Some more than others. Especially me. I was in bed until 3 PM on Sunday. Maturity at its finest. Someone should have hidden the aged Kentucky bourbon. Nice one.

A big thanks to all who came, it was fun....what I remember of it.

It's That Time of Year Again

The Ohio State University versus that team from up north.

Yes, the Buckeyes lost last week at home to Illinois (WTF?!), all will be better with a win this Saturday.

If you want to know what the fuss is all about with this greatest of sports rivalries, check out the documentary showing on HBO this week called The Rivalry. It might explain why I get a little nuts this time of year...like a Buckeye.

THEY SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED

"Health Net had sought to keep the documents secret...arguing that they contained proprietary information and could embarrass the company."

The above quote from this article pulled from the LA Times describing how Health Net tied company bonuses to how many individual policies were dropped and how much money was saved.

The is reason number 837 why I have so much contempt for the insurance industry. Makes me want to burn all my Health Net Cycling paraphernalia.

Oh wait, I don't have any. Phew.

Yeah, what he said:

Check this Wetzel column in Yahoo Sports.

Grrrr.....

Anyone who is on the NWCycling email list has probably already seen this. "Peter McKay Post"

If you haven't, click on it and read, prepare to get mad. It is making me angry, very angry. Dipshit motorists better be on alert when I go ride my bike today. Don't cross me, not today. You have been warned.

Anyone who rides a lot with me knows that I have a hair trigger 97% of the time in response to hillybilly, red-neck, ignorant, dipshit motorists. I don't take any shit from anyone. I know the zen, passive way is to turn the other cheek, say a mantra, etc. when someone in a car does something stupid. Sometimes though you need to just say "f*%k that".

I took a beer bottle to the face from a car going in the opposite direction when I was 18 years old riding to a club race. 20 stitches, 22 years and 2 detached retina surgeries later and I still get pissed. This guy's incident is just like mine, arguably worse.

I am really pissed right now. F*#kers.

"Are you in heaven now?"

Those were the words uttered by my lady in the first half of the Monday Night Football game as the Steelers were up by 21 to 0 against the dreaded Old Browns (i.e. The Ravens) and Terry Bradshaw was being interviewed in the booth.

My answer: "Hell yeah I am in heaven".

It was fantastic. The Steelers demolished the Ravens 38-7 and the 75th anniversary team was introduced at half-time. Steeler greats Stallworth, Swann, Blount and Bradshaw were all interviewed, the 70's Steeler dynasty team was talked about over and over again, and the present day Steelers were killing a hated division rival.

I would say, my birthday came a few days early.

Again, fantastic.

BROWNS 33/ SEACHICKENS 30

A ha ha ha ha ha.........

I was a little torn going into this game yesterday as to who to root for since the Browns are in the same division as the Steelers.

In the end, my disdain for the Chickens of the Sea won out over divisional concerns.

WSBA PROMOTER MEETING

This Saturday is the Washington State Bicycle Association annual promoter meeting where those of us who put on bike races get together, pick dates for our events and talk about the general state of competitive cycling in the state of Washington.

I and the folks at Ridge Racing have 4 road events that we are looking to put on next year:

• The Whale of a Crit in Silverdale, probably on July 27
• The Kirkland Twilight Crit, a new event that Dave Visintainer and I have been working on since this August. Look for a big money crit in downtown Kirkland on August 2
• The Blackberry Crit in Bremerton, the race that started it all for Ridge Racing, this edition will be the 4th one. Look for another $5000 Pro 1-2 men's purse
• The Winslow Criterium on Bainbridge Island, another new race for Ridge Racing. Some business owners on the Island approached me last year about this event but it did not come to fruition in 2007. The same businessmen plus a few more approached me again for 2008 and I am cautiously optimistic that it will actually happen in 2008 the day after Blackberry. That's right, a 2 day Labor Day Weekend Race Series with some good money both days.

So, what else should be discussed at the meeting? Chime in, you know that I have my opinion, what are yours?

Some things I think that should be discussed: prize money-entry fee ratio for sure; the crazed enforcement of riders wearing all 87 WSBA numbers at races. That's all I have for now.

MORE ON AL and the CROC TROPHY

http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2007/oct07/croctrophy07/index.php?id=/photos/2007/oct07/croctrophy07/croctrophy077/Allen-St-Pierre-almost-unrecognisable

Al is holding down 5th in the M1 class after stage 8.

Go Al!!

MY BUDDY AL

I have a buddy named Al who I got to know when I lived in LA. Al is a Canadian by birth who now lives in the states with his American wife. Al is a jeweler by trade and really likes riding his bike (both mountain and road) and climbing.

Here is the thing, my buddy Al is a stud and a bit of a legend, both in his hometown of Calgary and in LA.

When he lived in Calgary, he did a two man team mountain bike race in winter (again, in Calgary, so it was cold). He and his partner rode so hard and fast that they arrived at some of the checkpoints before the race staff even arrived.

Living in LA, Al used to do some of the group rides. Al is pretty much the same size as I am (5'7"), a little heavier, with a lot more horsepower. Al goes up hill pretty well. So well in fact that one of the regulars on the group rides, a guy we called Big Jim (because he was about 6' and probably around 180 lbs) always used to tell Al that the only reason that Al could beat him up hills was because he weighed 30 lbs less than he did. (Big Jim seemed to miss the whole power to weight ratio part of this equation). Well Jim went on and on....and on about this until finally Al put up a challenge. He would race Jim up Latigo Canyon from PCH...with 30 lbs of dirt in a back pack. Jim accepted the challenge. So, the morning of the challenge arrived along with a number of witnesses who had heard about the challenge. Everyone watched Al as he meticulously weighed out 30 lbs of dirt and put it into a bag in his back pack. Latigo is a 7 mile climb that gains over 1800 feet in elevation as it ascends to its second summit. Al and Jim started off together. Al finished, 7 miles and 1800 feet gained later, over 2 minutes in front of Big Jim.

Fast forward a few months after the great Latigo Dirt Race to an evening when Al was riding his beach cruiser over to the local community center and happened upon Big Jim and Mrs. Big Jim outside. Mrs. Big Jim took the opportunity to try to support her man and tell Al "I bet you couldn't beat Jim up a climb on that cruiser of yours". Al, not being one to back down from challenges, accepted, as did Big Jim (not wanting to disappoint the Mrs, and I am sure liking his chances). This time the race would go up Piuma, a 5 mile climb that gained over 1600 feet. The morning of the race arrived, with even more witnesses than the Latigo Dirt Race. Big Jim arrived on his state of the art Canondale, and then Al arrived...on his beach cruiser wearing khaki shorts, a button down short sleeve shirt....and flip flops. Al beat Jim up Piuma by over a minute.

Fast forward to present time and the 2007 Crocodile Trophy, a 10 stage mountain bike race in Australia that covers over 1100 km. Participants in the 13th edition of the Crocodile include Astana professional road rider Joachim Benoit, a Hungarian named Attila....and my buddy, 43 year old Al. Al is racing in the M1 category (there are 3 categories: Elite for guys like Joachim and Attila, M1 and M2). All 3 categories start at the same time and race the exact same course and distance and the participants are placed overall and then according to category for the overall GC. This past Saturday, on Stage 5, Al came second. Overall. The only guy to beat him was Joachim Benoit, the European Pro-Tour Team guy. Al broke away for 70 kilometers....by himself. He made it 2 km from the finish before Benoit caught and passed him.

Al's legend continues. Way to go Al. Nicely done.

BUCKEYES #1!

http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/news;_ylt=AnLsckaF8amHO_f_BM5kdDMcvrYF?slug=ap-t25-collegefbpoll&prov=ap&type=lgns

What more needs to be said?

I'm Back after a long hiatus. I was busy getting ready for the Vegas bike show, driving to the Vegas bike show, being at the Vegas bike show, driving back from the Vegas bike show, and recovering from the Vegas bike show.

I find it fitting that I am back to some blogging commenting on 2 things I love: the Steelers winning, and the Seachickens losing. It makes it even sweeter that it happened in the same game as the Steelers completely rolled over the Chickens of the Sea winning 21 to 0. Try complaining about how the refs won this game for the Steelers you whiny Seachicken fans. Some rematch.

Ha.

A PERFECT DAY IN PNW BUCKEYE NATION

That's right sports fans, yesterday was a perfect day for PNW Buckeye Nation as The Ohio State University Buckeyes did a Dog Whisperer "Tssst" to the Huskies at UW Stadium. And this PNW Buckeye, Ms. PNW Buckeye, Marin County Buckeye and AL, adopted Buckeye for the day, were there to see it all.

First up was the Buckeye Alumni Tailgate Party where we had the pleasure of hanging out with Brutus Buckeye himself.

Next up for PNW Buckeye Nation was the chance to get an autograph with Buckeye legend Archie Griffin, still the only college football player to win TWO Heisman Trophies.

Even former Ohio State quarterback turned FBI agent/ surfer Jonny Utah made it out for the tailgate party and the game.

Now, I would be lying if I said I was not nervous coming into the game. OSU lost most of their offensive firepower from last year to the NFL draft. They came into UW with 2 victories but they were against some not-such-football-powerhouse teams. UW was coming off of victories over Stanford and Boise State and had a new wunderkind freshman quarterback, Jake Locker. Locker looked good too in the first half and went into half-time with a 7-3 lead over the Buckeyes. But, some half-time adjustments were made by Coach Tressel and the Huskies definitely had reason to fear the sweater vest as they saw their 7-3 halftime lead evaporate in the span of 39 seconds in the third quarter as the Buckeyes scored two unanswered touchdowns.

This became a common sight in the second half. Good thing Brutus was doing those two-a-days with the team this summer because sprinting across that Huskie name in the end zone and waving that giant block-O flag could get pretty tiring.

As you can see, a good time was had by all in PNW Buckeye Nation.

The day was brought to a perfect conclusion with a victory lap back at adopted Buckeye, A. Luhn's casa.

The day was, in one word, perfect. Final score OSU 33, UW 14

GO BUCKEYES!!!

THIS POST AND THE ADJOINING PICTURE IS ONE WE WILL CALL FORESHADOWING OF THE POST TO COME. YES, THAT'S BRUTUS BUCKEYE RUNNING OVER THE HUSKY NAME IN THE END ZONE WAVING A GIANT OSU FLAG. LET'S JUST SAY, HE WASN'T THE ONLY BUCKEYE TO MAKE IT INTO THE ENDZONE...NUMEROUS TIMES TODAY.

THE FOAM FINGER

What is that, you ask? Why it's my foam Buckeyes #1 finger that I will be holding aloft in Husky Stadium this Saturday as I watch THE Ohio State University Buckeyes defeat UW. It just arrived this morning with all of the other OSU paraphernalia that my lady procured in preparation for this game that we have been anxiously awaiting ever since we discovered the Buckeyes would be coming to town.

It's that time of year, football season. And the Buckeyes are coming to town. It's going to be fantastic.

PNW Buckeye, out.

BLACKBERRY CRIT RESULTS ARE POSTED HERE:

The 3rd annual Blackberry Crit has come and gone. To steal from Steven Colbert, a tip of the hat to all of those who made it and a wag of my finger to those who did not. Shame on you!

We paid out over $7500 in advertised prize list plus another $800 in primes. We handed out cool giant blackberry trophies to the winner of the women's race, Kele Murdin of Ultra Link and the winner of the Pro 1-2 race, Will Routley of Symmetrics. Podium girls were present and the champagne was sprayed and a good time was had by all (except those of you who did not come....)

Click here for all the results:

http://www.ridgeracing.org/blackberry/blackberry-result.pdf

IT'S UPON US...THE RICHEST PRO 1-2 CRIT IN THE SEATTLE AREA

That's right, it's Blackberry Crit. time in Bremerton. This Sunday, September 2.

$5000 paid out 20 deep for the Pro 1-2, with $1000 paid out to the winner.

As of now, we have close to $500 to pay out in cash primes throughout the day as well. Those of you who came last year remember the $300 gambler's prime?

We have it all, giant blackberry trophies for the winners of the Pro 1-2 and women's race, podium girls and champagne for the winners, the giant check, and don't forget the giant prize list.

They say maybe a chance of sprinkles on Sunday, so what? The course is wide open and only 4 corners and it is Seattle after all, so you should be used to it.

No excuses, from anybody. If you don't come, well, I just don't want to say....

Oh yeah, Amara from Wheels in Focus is going to be there.

PORTLAND TWILIGHT, or HOW TO PUT ON A BIKE RACE

Myself and 4 of my BRI companions journeyed down to the Portland Twilight this past Friday. From an athlete performance perspective, it sucked...for all of us. From all other perspectives, especially that of the job Brad Ross the promoter did, fantastic.

Brad Ross put on a great bike race. He hit it out of the park on almost all of the important points. He was able to get city support for road closures on an interesting city center circuit. The crowd was great, lining up all around the half mile circuit exclaiming their support for the riders with a wall of noise especially on the finish stretch.

The prize money was fantastic: $10k over 20 places and more importantly he only charged $25. Even when you added the $5 OBRA racing license it was only $30 which is more than fair for $10K in prize list. PNW race promoters take note, Brad obviously did his job securing sponsors. He had lights out on the course, great crowd control fencing and tape, podium presentation & a good announcer. All that costs money & he went out and got it. An added cool bonus was the bike parking for spectators where you could check your bike in, collect your bike check ticket and watch the race worry free. A nice touch.

All in all, Brad gets high marks from me for a great event and most of you know I don't give those out often.

Well done Brad Ross, well done.

The following is from Cyclingnews.com where some US team managers were complaining about USADA doing testing at Superweek and not Tour de Toona. Are you kidding me? Anyone who has been to Superweek (I have been there so many times I have lost count) knows that if you want to catch guys on the tackle, the best place to go in the month of July is Wisconsin and Superweek. Come on Beamon, get a clue.

No USADA testing at 'Toona raises questions
By Mark Zalewski, North American Editor

The International Tour de 'Toona, one of the two highest rated, non-championship races on USA Cycling's NRC calendar, had no US Antidoping Agency (USADA) testing for the entire seven stages. Instead, the USADA testers were on location at Superweek, though not for the NRC rated races the week before the Tour de 'Toona, but the non-NRC races the same week as 'Toona. This fact did not sit well with many of the team managers at the race in Pennsylvania, with the general consensus being that the top races deserve the most scrutiny -- particularly in light of what happened in the Tour de France.
"I was a bit shocked and surprised honestly," said Navigators Insurance director sportif Ed Beamon. "I thought it was a little odd that they would target a race that does not have near as much money at stake. That should be a cue to them, it makes sense to prioritise the events.
"I think the more testing they can do, to an extent, the better off we are," said Beamon. "It's obvious they need to pick and choose which events, so to me it makes more sense to target events with higher prize money. From my perspective, they are not as educated as to what is going on in the sport. They need to be more educated, and if they were they wouldn't come out with the comments they say, targeting our sport."
Jonas Carney, a former racer and now director of the Kelly Benefits/Medifast team was also frustrated. "I understand that it is not possible for USADA to be at all of the NRC races," he said. "I do believe however that USADA does not test nearly enough. They rarely show up at NRC events, never do any blood testing, and their out of competition testing covers only a very small pool of US cyclists."
"As someone who never doped, and someone who works very hard to have a clean team, it is frustrating. The doping problem is not isolated to ProTour racing in Europe and steps should be taken here in the states. I for one would be thrilled if USADA would offer no advance notice out of competition testing for pro teams in America. We would be the first to sign up."

This from the WADOT web-site:

Seattle/Bremerton Route Beginning Sunday, August 12, the 188-car MV Walla Walla will be replaced by the 144-car MV Kaleetan on this route. The Kaleetan carries 500 more passengers than the Walla Walla. We encourage our customers to walk on during the I-5 construction, parking on either the Bremerton or Seattle side to simplify the commute. We are also setting up temporary three person carpools to ease loading for our Bremerton commuters.

The ferry terminal is north of where I-5 north-bound is being worked on. Why would anyone who would take their car on the ferry (or need to drive on because presumably they would have to drive to their destination once in Seattle) decide to walk on to avoid the congestion on north bound I-5? This line of thinking from the ferry system is mind-boggling. They have already switched to a smaller ferry that does runs at 7:30 am and 5:30PM (you know, one of the main commuting runs) in the middle of the high-travel summer. Now they are switching out the second ferry to a smaller car ferry because they think it will encourage more people to walk on. If you need to drive, you need to drive. All a smaller ferry will do is clog the already congested terminals during the high travel summer season.

Genius WADOT, sheer genius.

THE END OF THE TAILWIND ERA

Tailwind Sports announces it is closing up shop at the end of 2007.

NOTE TO BOB: BIKE RIDERS PAY TAXES TOO...IDIOT

This fine letter was in today's Seattle Times.

Bicycle built for who?

Regarding "Cyclists ride for the right to bike lanes" [Local News, Aug. 2]: The demands of these nontaxpaying bicyclists to play on streets they don't pay for, without any kind of license to be there, with a total lack of respect for any law except for "me first and me only," should be met with a law that restricts bicycle use to individuals 12 years old and under. The rest of 'em need to grow up.

— Bob Humphrey, Seattle

STEP OFF P-DOG

Ok, so P-Dog might be bigger, and slower, and with more children as of late. But step off poor P-Dog. I have proof that he used to be fast, very fast in the not-so-distant past. Video proof is here:

http://www.discodreamride.com/1186685463-af1cb

Curse You 1.5 laps to go.

It has now happened twice in the last 3 weeks. First at Skagit Flats in the 1-2 race, then for the second time at the Volunteer Park Masters race over the weekend. I have been in a move off the front for a considerable period of time, a move that looks like it is going the entire distance, only to be caught by the field with 1.5 laps to go. Curse you, and all of you who chased me and my break-away companions down.

SUPER FREAK

This is too damn funny to pass by. Check this latest from Missing Saddle:

http://www.missingsaddle.com/2007/07/23/cold-blooded-super-freak/

SUNSCREEN BE DAMNED, HAND ME A DOPPIO AND MY BIKE!

New research indicates a combination of exercise and caffiene can combat skin cancer. Read about it here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070730/ap_on_he_me/fitness_anti_cancer_caffeine_2

TO PROTECT AND SERVE?

(a warning, the following is long, but I believe worth the read)

This past Saturday, myself and 2 of my KC riding companions (Peter and Bob) were riding through the small town of Port Orchard. We had just started up from a red light in a 25mph zone when I heard the tell tale sounds of an exchange between one of my companions and a motorist. Turns out the motorist was a Port Orchard police officer (Barney Fife) in a PO Police SUV pulling a boat on a trailer. As it turns out, Peter was passing Bob and coming up to where I was and Officer Fife was unhappy about this. The exchange went something like this:

Officer Fife: "Pull over"

Pete: "What?"

Fife: "Pull over"

Pete: "Why?"

Fife: "I said pull the f*#k over!!"

Pete: "No"

Now, even I, a self-avowed Johnny-Scoff-Law, know that you should never say no to an officer of the law, so my immediate thought was, perhaps this was not Pete's best response.

Officer Fife really thought that because suddenly he flipped the lights on and proceeded to use his SUV and boat trailer to cut Pete off. Now during this time, Bob and I were slightly behind watching all of this with the boat on its trailer right next to us. I narrowly avoided getting creamed by the boat by maneuvering to the edge of the road while simultaneously cocking my head to the side (the edge of the boat missed me by less than a foot) as I came to an abrupt halt.

Officer Fife flew out of his vehicle and made a bee-line to Pete who asked Fife what his problem was to which Fife flew into some incoherent rant about how cyclists are required to ride as far to the right of the road as possible and Pete came out into the lane. Pete and I both responded that the law in fact gave us 3 feet from the edge of the road (this is actually not accurate as I had mixed up something in the Washington Driver's Handbook stating that motorists passing bicycles need to give 3 feet of buffer). Fife responded that we were wrong and that he could write a citation to which I replied, go ahead and make sure that you keep that court date free since we would be fighting it and told Pete to make sure that he got Fife's name and badge number. Fife then turned to Bob and I and told us to move along as this did not involve us and was none of our business. My response to this was that we weren't going anywhere and that he had made it our business when he almost hit us with his boat and trailer. Fife and Pete continued to go back and forth with the tensions and remarks continually escalating with Pete's responses to him ending up being "write the ticket, do it" (I think he said this about 4 or 5 times, it was fantastic). In the end, Fife did not write the ticket and continued to let his emotions control his behavior.

Eventually, Pete said if Fife was not going to write the ticket then he was out of there and started to ride away. Fife went to get back in his car and I told him I wanted to say something to which he replied "no". My response to this was that he was a public servant whose job was to protect and serve and that I had something to say to him. So, he came back over and I stated with all due respect, that he was wrong with his interpretation of the code and that we are allowed to ride out into the lane if we have to avoid road hazards, that we are not required to ride as close to the edge as possible at all times and that he had endangered us with his actions as his boat almost hit us. Bob and I then proceeded to ride away and Fife got back into his vehicle and speed around us in a right hand curve well over the speed limit while crossing a double yellow line into the left turn lane. Nice.

So, here is the Washington revised code:

RCW 46.61.770
Riding on roadways and bicycle paths.
(1) Every person operating a bicycle upon a roadway at a rate of speed less than the normal flow of traffic at the particular time and place shall ride as near to the right side of the right through lane as is safe except as may be appropriate while preparing to make or while making turning movements, or while overtaking and passing another bicycle or vehicle proceeding in the same direction. A person operating a bicycle upon a roadway or highway other than a limited-access highway, which roadway or highway carries traffic in one direction only and has two or more marked traffic lanes, may ride as near to the left side of the left through lane as is safe. A person operating a bicycle upon a roadway may use the shoulder of the roadway or any specially designated bicycle lane if such exists. (2) Persons riding bicycles upon a roadway shall not ride more than two abreast except on paths or parts of roadways set aside for the exclusive use of bicycles.

So, it appears as if both Fife and we were correct, except that we were more correct than he was. Now, I am no lawyer, but I would argue that since Pete was overtaking another bicycle proceeding in the same direction than he was in the right. Also, there are a number of potholes, cracks in the road and sewer grates on that section of road (as well as the occasional glass) so the language stating "as is safe" means that it is subjective as to how far out we can ride and is up to the rider's judgement as to what is safe. Also, we were going 18-19 mph in a 25 mph zone so that we were not traveling that much slower than the normal flow of traffic especially since we were going around a curve just a few hundred meters past a stop light.

The California revised code states this:

(3) When reasonably necessary to avoid conditions (including, but not limited to, fixed or moving objects, vehicles, bicycles,pedestrians, animals, surface hazards, or substandard width lanes)that make it unsafe to continue along the right-hand curb or edge,subject to the provisions of Section 21656. For purposes of this section, a "substandard width lane" is a lane that is too narrow for a bicycle and a vehicle to travel safely side by side within the lane.

So I would infer that the language is similar enough to draw a comparison and even though the WA code does not specifically state "when - necessary to avoid conditions" the "as is safe" line could infer the same thing, thus meaning Fife did not know what the hell he was talking about.

My point in all of this? It is nice that in addition to all of the other moron drivers out there that we need to deal with that we can now add some officers of the law and it is nice to know that with all the meth use, domestic violence and probably 5 unregistered vehicles that passed us while we were at the side of the road, that Barney Fife had nothing better to do than hassle 3 guys minding their own business out for a bike ride. Idiot.

WHALE OF A CRIT RACE RESULTS

First off, a big thanks to all of you who made it out to the 2nd annual Whale of a Crit this past Sunday in Silverdale. To those of you who did not make it: shame on you. When are you going to learn that our races put on over here in the KC are worth making the trip for? When will you learn that we have great courses, great prize lists, and great ambience? Where else on can a category 5 rider stand on the top step of the podium and spray champagne just like the pros? To the best of knowledge, no where else in the area. Your next chance to redeem how lame you are is the Bremerton Blackberry Crit. You know, the race with the richest prize-list in the Seattle area?

As has been the case with all of the races we at Ridge Racing have put on, those who participated had nothing but positive feedback for us. Comments ranged from how good the course was to how we deep we paid out and the prize list itself.

I do have one wag of the finger to make and it is to all the women racers out there in the Seattle area. Where the hell were you? Last year I received feedback from some women who raced in Silverdale and Bremerton. The main point I took away from them is that I needed to make the women's race longer. So I did, and I had fewer women show up. This race was sponsored by Group Health. How many Group Health women showed up? Two. WTF?! So, a comment to the women out there, in order for promoters to support you, you need to support them. That is the bottom line.

One more wag as well and that is to the juniors, same point that I made to the women, you need to show up to the races that are put on for you. I paid out cash money for the juniors, how many promoter do that? Get your ass out and race!

Now for the results:

SEIGLER DOES SUPERWEEK!

Well, I was not able to make it to my favorite race series ever this year, but at least our bikes did. Seigler sponsors the South Bay Wheelmen Women's Elite Cycling Team who rocked out on the pink Komen bikes in Wisconsin this past week. Check out Jennifer Reither's website here and get the whole skinny.

Man, that bike looks fast!!

THE BIRD OF HAPPINESS FLIES THE COOP, LEAVING THE CHICKEN OF DESPAIR

Rabobank sacks Rasmussen while still in yellow:
http://www.cyclingnews.com/road/2007/tour07/news/?id=/news/2007/jul07/jul26news

Silly Dane, I bet you Rasmussen wishes he had filed that paperwork now, and realized that, although everyone was speaking a Latin based language, he was actually in Italy, not Mexico. Italy, Mexico, I can see how you might mix the the two up, I mean, the Atlantic isn't that big, take that away and they are practically next to each other.

His contant jesticulations at the motorbikes would have made me fire him.

SAY IT ISN'T SO VINO

http://www.cyclingnews.com/road/2007/tour07/news/?id=/news/2007/jul07/jul25news

Wow. WTF? That pretty much sums up my reaction of shock right now to the news that Vino has tested positive following his time trial victory on Saturday. This is definitely not what this sport needs right now. This, after an entire country pledged its support for the Astana team for the next ten years. Unbelievable. Say what you want to about the witch hunt being conducted by WADA, the UCI, ASO, etc, the riders have responsibility as well.

WHALE OF A CRIT PROMISES TO BE A WHALE OF A GOOD TIME!

Bike racing, Kitsap County style is coming up this weekend, Sunday specifically. It is the finale in the Washington Cup and the second richest prize purse for Pro 1-2's in the Seattle area. (what's the richest you ask? Hmmm.....oh yeah, the other bike race we put on over here, the Blackberry Crit). So, if you want to score some cash and race on a cool course, come on over. If you don't, well, you're just lame.

Do it, don't make me crankier than I already am.

Also, we are putting on a kid's bike rodeo with all sorts of stations teaching bike safety so if you got them (kids that is), bring 'em. Kid's races also, winners even get to stand on the podium just like the big kids!

Paul Martin Is A BAD ASS!

Who is this Paul Martin you ask? That was the same question that we were asking back in the early 90's as a young category 3 by the name of Paul Martin was consistently getting up there in the 1-3 races throughout Ohio. That was also the same question that Eddie Van Guys (the voice of Superweek) asked in the mid-90's when Martin was on his way to securing the best amateur rider at Superweek as he consistently found himself in the winning breaks in the Pro 1-2 races. Everyone knew who Paul Martin was as he went on to win the elite men's national championship road race in 1997 and then secured a contract with the Navigators, racing with them and the West Virginia Go-Mart professional cycling team until he retired from professional racing in 2003. And now, everyone who pays attention to cycling in the US knows who he is again. Paul has continued to race while working full time as an attorney in the Cleveland metro area and, let's just say, he just had a very successful week racing his bike.

Last week, Paul won the Masters 35+ National Championship Road Race. He then travelled over to Chicago and won the 2nd stage in the Pro 1-2 category at Superweek before traveling back to Seven Springs where he proceeded to win the Elite Men's National Championship Road Race. So, that is 3 wins in a week, 2 of them being National Championships.

That is why, Paul Martin is a bad ass. Congratulations Paul!

Outstanding. I need to get one of these:

from VeloNews.com:

CSC joins wristband-wagonTeam CSC has joined the wristband bandwagon this year, but it sports an interesting slogan that isn't raising money for a charity or some do-good organization.
Instead, the letters across the black plastic wristband underscore the team's philosophy in this year's Tour: "Harden the Fuck Up."
"Stuart (O'Grady) brought them for the team in London and asked everyone to wear them," said Team CSC rider Frank Schleck. "If it's tough, we look at the wristband and we do what it says. When it gets hard, you harden up. So far it's worked pretty good."

To more important things, how awesome was Cancellara's win yesterday?

OK, this is a post that is opening up discussion on one of my favorite topics to shoot my mouth off about: prize money at races. Coach Curly opened the can of worms with his post at one of the best blogs going: http://www.coachcurly.com/2007/07/p-fu-more-like-it.html

I wanted to really open up the can of worms so I am pasting my comments to his post below. Please chime in, I am rubbing my hands together in anticipation:

"Oh boy, you have pretty much put some blood in the water for this here shark because I love talking about prize lists at bike races.

1. First to Curly's point of the lack of any $ at races in Europe, that's right, there is none, but...and you pointed this out yourself, the entry fee is only a couple of bucks, not $20-$40 a pop. Used to be back in the day a promoter could only charge a % of the prize list for the entry fee, then the districts voted for a "free market" where promoters could charge whatever they wanted. This was good and bad, good because promoters could charge what they wanted, could put on a race at a profit and suddenly there were more promoters putting on more races, bad, because entry fees went through the roof.

2. From e@thec: "If someone were looking to turn race promoting into a livelihood, then they'd be promoting Ironman-distance triathlons.". Well, there are a number of promoters (Team Columbus in Ohio is one, Threshold, Tailwind, etc. something tells me Douglas puts some pretty good coin into his pocket as well) out there that have turned race promoting into a livelihood, and, most do it because it grew out of their love for the sport.

When I was asked to help put on races here in Kitsap by a local business man I told him up front that I would help but under a few conditions: 1. I was to be paid a fee, 2. We would run it as professionally as possible 3. We would not run our events at a loss or even break even, we would make a profit on the event.

To insure those 3 points were covered, we had a job to do, and it was to secure sponsorship, and we did it. Whenever I put on a race, I determine what I would like to offer as prize money and then, at a min, I double that number to fill out my budget and that is the number that I go after. So, for last year's Blackberry race that paid out $7500, we raised $15,000.

Why go to all this trouble? Because it is my job as a promoter to do that and, I hope that by putting on what I think is a good race and soliciting feedback from the riders I can help raise the bar of races here in the NW.

I believe that most of the griping by riders, and by myself, is that there are many promoters out there that do not run their event in a professional manner and don't do their due diligence in securing funds to put on their event. You should not have to pay $25 or $30 for a race that does not start on time, takes forever to get results, gives out 1 tire and 2 inner tubes for 3rd place in the main event, etc, etc. And for crying out loud, at least have the last paying place equal to the entry fee. We (the riders) are not racing "for the money" we race because we love to ride our bikes fast and because we have a competitive drive to beat down our fellow rider and talk shit about them after, but, is it wrong for us to have a certain level of expectation from the promoters. We are paying $13 per rider at Pacific Raceway every Tuesday night and Rory can't even get the lap cards right for the races then tells us that we need to look at our clocks so we know when the race is ending. No Rory, that is why we are paying you $13 a rider every Tuesday, to do your job.

So promoters: do your job, the riders are doing theirs by training hard and paying their entry fees to your events to put on a good show for the crowds that show up and for the sponsors.That's all...for now. I am pasting this onto my BLOG to really open up the discussion.

Now to add to this post, I want to say, it is not all about the money, it is about the atmosphere at the race and the quality of the event. Prize money is just a part of that, not the whole pie. You also need a good course, good atmosphere and good prize money that is in line with what you are charging for an entry fee. At the very least, try to get 2 out of those 3 and your event is on its way to being a success.

SEIGLER CARBON TRACK FRAME, IT'S HERE!!!

CHECK IT:

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE AMARA:

Because she takes photos like this one of Downtown Gary Brown beating out Rob C. for a $100 prime at the Derby Days. The way I heard the story it went something like this:

Announcer: Looks like Brown got that one.

Chief Ref: No, I think Campbell got it.

Amara: Um, you might want to look at this.

Chief Ref: Oh. Looks like Brown got that one.

Keep up the great work Amara. You make us all look like superstars.

Even if you look like this guy:

Speaking of the Derby, I have two things for you.

• Did anyone at registration actually check licenses? There was a guy who started the Pro1-2 race who was wearing a t-shirt, what looked like running shorts and had some pretty pasty white hairy legs and who was handling his bike like it was the first time he had ever gone around a corner at speed. He got lapped in about 10 laps.

• What happened to the prize money at the Derby? It used to be one of the top paying races in the area and paid 20 deep. This year they only paid $1250 over 10 places but still charged $30. More egregious of a crime however is that 9th and 10th place paid $25, so if you made through the melee and scored a money paying place....you still came out $5 poorer for your efforts. Hey promoter of the Derby Days, WTF?!
  And one final note for the officials: get a grip. The whole WSBA Number crusade is ridiculous. More on this later.

TUESDAY NIGHT CHAMP

That's right Pruitt, it's me, on the Flats, a sprinter's stage. I won, a non-sprinter, solo. Who cares that there was only like 20 guys in the race? And I guarantee that my victory salute was longer than Pruitt's, because it was for the last 300 meters, probably a record. Take that Pruitt. Now if I can just get one on the weekend, you know, where it counts.

Another Weak Attempt at a Post:

This is from a Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2258201150 and was sent to me by my buddy Billy. It is pretty funny (and I can cut and paste it so now I have 2 posts in 1 day). Enjoy.

********* -THE OFFICIAL EURO CYCLIST CODE OF CONDUCT- *********

Created by Dom Guiver and Mike Flavell

1. Image and style shall be your primary concern. When suffering, one must focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure, and second on performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said euro cyclist wins with appropriate style.

2. You shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex shorts or any team kit containing non-prominent Logo's.

3. The Socks must extend no less than 2cm below the main bulge of your calf muscle, and shall never extend further than 1cm past the primary calf muscle bulge. All socks shall be white in colour with prominent logo placement.

4. Cycling shoes must be of white colour only! Exceptions are:-colours combinations such as world cup stripes in cases where title has been earned-shoes which are custom-made by companies endorsed by this group. These shoes will be accessible to the particular cyclist only, and shall contain a high degree of Euro style.-It is important to note red and yellow shoes are NOT ENDORSED by this group.

5. If white cycling shoes are not available where you reside, white booties with prominent logos shall always be worn.

6. Your bike frame must contain more than 3 colours, and must always fit tastefully with your wheel selection.

7. Zipp's are to be used as training wheels ONLY. You shall race only on Lightweights and occasionally Bora's if no lightweights are accessible.

8. Ridiculously stylish eye wear is to be worn at all time without exception.

9. In most circumstances, hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn (again with prominent logo placement). Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet colour be worn with your euro kit.

10. In several cases, it is deemed acceptable to have long hair. In this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in maximum euro-styling, and helmet shall not be worn. Stylish sport eyewear shall be worn at all times while exercising this option.

11. A prominent line where your kit ends and where your tan begins is essential to your image. Artificial tanning is banned, the tan shall reflect the level of training commitment.

12. All podium shots (pictures) shall be taken with the euro-rider wearing team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as puma's). Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. The rider is expected to display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving kisses/trophy.

13. The seat shall ALWAYS be white along with the handlebar tape, and must be made in Italy or France. - Exceptions to this rule are seats or handlebar tape containing the following colours: WorldCup Stripes,Olympic Gold, Italian flag colour combo (green redwhite).

14. You shall not, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence of a cyclist riding a bike costing less than €3000 in a public place. This could be severely detrimental to your image.

15. Legs will be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. In some cases, certain hair removal creams endorsed by succesful euro's are deemed to be acceptable.

16. A rider will ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs before appearing in public.

17. Facial hair will be restricted to a goatee, and even this is discouraged. Moustaches are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED.The only exception to the facial hair shall be SHORT sideburns--these are acceptable at the discretion of Cipo or a similar authority figure, on a case-by-case basis.

18. Ceramic bearings shall be used at all time on both training and race bikes.

19. Campagnolo shall be the only acceptable componentry and is hereby deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances. You are expected to have nothing less than an ENTIRE campy grouppo. Crank substitutions are NOT permitted.

20. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of your ability in gluing them.

21. You shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with triathletes. It is FORBIDDEN to have any number inked onto your body before a race.

22. Any physical activity, other than cycling, is STRONGLY DISCOURAGED. This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives (this includes walking).

23. You shall never rearrange your package while riding. Adjustments regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order to preserve image.

24. In a circumstance where any cyclist ever displays aggression or disrespect towards you, you shall ride up uncomfortably close to them and slap them in the face with your team issue gloves. (Which must be white)

25. MTB gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling gloves will be slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have minimal padding. Padding will be beige or white in colour. In the case where said euro cyclist is wearing a leader’s jersey (This should be always) special gloves will be made to match the colour of the jersey while blending the team kit colours simultaneously.

26. In the event a motorist disturbs your ride, you shall proceed to ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the trunk of the car while doing your best attempt to sound irritated in Italian. Wild arm/head movements are strongly encouraged to enhance the apparent rage.

27. Training is based solely on feel while racing is be guided by sensations and instinct. A real Euro cyclist never gives in to scientific training methods.

28. Gearing is restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23 cassette with a ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. One shall never be seen pedaling at a cadence over 90 in case it detracts from your calm/smooth factor. The use of 25t cog is acceptable in special training circumstances.

29. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to ones home country’s flag located on the top-tube within 10 cm seat-tube ON ONE SIDE ONLY.

30. Pedals MUST be either Speedplay, Time, or Look. No other pedals are to be considered and ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN. If one is found possessing Shimano pedals, title of euro cyclist will be stripped immediately.

31. Coffee is a necessity and as such must be consumed strong (ie. espresso) on a patio in Italy in full kit, it shall be drunk black. Sugar is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. The only milk present shall appear frothed on top (if at all).

32. All pre and post-race activity will be conducted under a gazebo (this includes massage, interviews, and looking fantastic) leaving one in reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top up your enviable tanlines or pose for photo’s.

33. Post-race, you must be utterly tied to your mobile phone, making endless calls to your incredibly attractive euro-girlfriend or important executives from modelling agencies. This will be done under the protection of the post race gazebo.

34. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror shall come within 2 meters of the bike.

35. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight limit, in order that weights might be attached to the frame to demonstrate its superiority and lightness.

36. White bar tape shall be kept in pristine white condition and NEVER extend further than 3cm past the hoods (exception during spring classics, where standard bar tape wrapping is allowed). This state shall be achieved either through daily cleansing or frequent replacement. These jobs will NEVER be performed by the cyclist as you must maintain your image.

37. Motivational music during training MUST consist of Late 90s house and power ballads, or deep-trance hard-style German techno hereby known as euro beats. NO EXCEPTIONS.

38. Nothing short of a naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages (manufactured by ELITE CAGES) will be used. The only exception is special edition 24k gold cages which can be preferable in some situations (such as photo shoots or prologues) where colour coordination is key (this is always). Ex. Gold Cage with Olympic Gold/white team kit.

39. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.

40. While soloing in for a victory, you will ensure your jersey is fully zipped and straight, so all title sponsors are clearly visible. You will then smile and flex arms while pointing skywards. The projection of ones fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

41. When appearing in a photo spread for sponsor’s products, one shall appear either fully nude or in full Armani 3 piece suits. Smiling is prohibited in these instances.

42. When riding, sans helmet, a team issue cycling cap (white in colour), shall be worn (depending on the hairstyle). The bill shall remain in the downward position at all times. Cycling cap can be worn forwards or backwards to coincide with current hairstyle. During spring training, cycling toques WILL be worn at all time in place of caps.

43. When appearing in documentaries, you must be seen walking around the hotel in your kit at all times. It is also recommended that you constantly be eating something in front of the cameras.

44. All stems must be a minimum of 120mm and a rise of no higher than -10 degrees. Stems shall be positioned no more than 0.5cm above the top of the headtube. ALL stems shall ALWAYS be oversized, made out of aluminum, and airbrushed in kit/frame colours.

45. When asked "how are you?" while riding you must proceed with one of the following...-Complain about coming off a sickness.- Explain you're peaking for bigger races later in the season- Mention that this is a "recovery ride"-That you are on the tail end of your daily 6 hour training ride

46. When the Euro Cyclist feels the urge to relieve himself during a race, he will gracefully meander to the back of the pack, seat himself sideways on his saddle, and pee into the sunflowers. He must ensure that no cameracrew catches the act, for it could be detrimental to his image. Under no circumstances shall the rider dismount from his bike to urinate.

47. When climbing anything with a gradient above 20% and lasting over 8 kilometres, the Euro cyclist must fully unzip his jersey and let it flutter in the wind.

48. When dropping out of a race, you will avoid the embarrassment of entering the official broomwagon and will instead wait for his team vehicle. When asked why you dropped out, one will cite mechanical problems or oncoming sickness as the reason, as to avoid any bad speculation in relation to your fitness.

49. Kits will always be freshly washed, and you shall ALWAYS have applied a reasonable amount of european eau de toilette (cologne). It is, at all times, FORBIDDEN to ride in an unwashed kit, as it is extremely detrimental to your image.

--------------------Pending Rules-----------------------------

1. Training wheels shall consist of Ambrosio rims (alternately, Mavic Reflex) laced with 32 spokes to Record hubs, or a wheelset of similar weight/durability/euro-style. Mavic Open Pros or Fulcrum Racing Ones may also be considered.

2. If in doubt, the euro cyclist shall mention in an interview that his pollen allergies are acting up, and that he’s not sure that he’ll win the Giro this year. In this situation, remember to note that the sensations are otherwise good, and that eventually you’ll win a beautiful stage.

3. Moustaches, beards, and any combinations thereof are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED. An exemption will be granted for Marco Pantani--RIP.

4. Team-building motivational camps will be held annually in the off-season. These are to place team members in as ridiculous a setting as possible. Photos will be widely reproduced to demonstrate team cohesion.

5. During the pre-TdF medical checks, star riders of each team are STRONGLY ADVISED to play doctor with each other while shirtless. Photos taken must strive to be as HOMEROTIC AS POSSIBLE.

6. In order to avoid the harsh European winter, you shall:-flee to the warmer climes of Mallorca/South Africa/Canary Islands/etc.-“train the mind, body and soul” with Kreitler brand rollers

7. Stubble is advisable in virtually ALL euro-situations, especially in the case of climbing stages or important time trials during a stage race. It is important to note: this DOES NOT apply to the legs!

**IMPORTANT NEWS CONCERNING SHOES**

Should a cyclist competing in the Pro Tour be photographed in red or yellow shoes without covers more then twice they will be placed on Euro Probation pending further review.---------

Rules will be added as they are sent in and refined. Try to refrain from contradicting rules above. Voice your opinion and the rule might be changed or refined. If you need assistance on anything not yet listed in the official rules, post it and one of our officers will be glad to address the issue.

Last Updated June 17, 2007 by Dom